FML!
by zomgitsjasmine
Summary: FML, incase you did not know, stands for F--K MY LIFE.! This is a collection of oneshots starring our favourite South Park characters, based on entries I found on FMyLife. Rating might change. I'm not sure.
1. iPhone

**Author's Comments:**

Uhm, herro.

If you notice something similar to this story idea and another one that was one here, I did not steal it. I just wrote it and then deleted it, and now I'm starting it again. So, yeah. Uhh, read and review please. C:

* * *

KDJSHFKLDSJFDSHNFDK!

I jumped up, suddenly wide awake, as a loud grinding noise interrupted my sleep. "What the fuck was that?" I said rubbing my eyes and letting them adjust to the darkness. I looked to the side and noticed that something, or rather someone, was missing. "Oh, shit." I quickly got out of bed and headed downstairs, towards the noise. I followed the sound into the kitchen where I found a short, twitchy blond. "Tweek!"

"GAH! C-craig!? What a-are you doing d-down here?"

"I heard something…" I looked around. Everything seemed to be intact. "Are you okay?" I said looking at him, but he too seemed unharmed.

"I'm f-fine." Tweek then turned and flipped the garbage disposal switch, which created the loud noise that had woken me up.

"Uh, what are you doing?" I said walking up behind him and looking down the sink. "It sounds like something is down there… Did you drop a spoon or something?"

"Oh, Jesus! No! I-it's your iPhone." He said looking at me, his green eyes wide.

I just stared at him blankly for a minute… or three. "I… Y-you… and… my phone… wh-why?"

"OH SWEET JESUS! I h-had too!"

"Why?" I asked as calmly as I could manage. Rule number with Tweek, you can never raise your voice.

"I-It was T-TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

"What was?" Tweek just pulled at his wild hair. I grabbed his hands and held them at his sides.

"Ohsweetjesuschrist…" He whispered.

"Why did you put my phone down the garabage disposal?"

"I-it wouldn't, OH JESUS, it wouldn't stop s-staring at me!"

"You trashed my iPhone because it wouldn't stop… staring at you?"

He nodded frantically.

FUCK MY LIFE.

* * *

**_Today, I woke up to a loud grinding noise. I followed the noise to the kitchen, where I found my boyfriend shoving my iPhone down the garbage disposal. When I asked him why he did it, he said "It wouldn't stop staring at me." FML_**

**- FMyLife . com**

* * *

**Author's Comments:**

AJKGHDDKAJDHDLAKDJIUHASKJ! Yes, that's what sound a garbage disposal makes kiddies. Haha. Anyways, hope you lieked it. If you have a particular FML you would liek to see please leave it in a review. Same with characters. If you have a certain character/couple you would liek to see, please leave a review letting me know, and I'll try to find a FML story that fits them.

Ohkay. I'mma go now.

LEAVE A REVIEW AND I'LL GIVE YOU A HIGHFIVE, FREE OF CHARGE. :D


	2. Cannon Ball

**Author's Comments:**

Hey look. I remembered I was doing this story thingy. :D

Uhm, so yeah. I forgot about this.

Ohh, and liek FOREVER ago when I posted the first chapter, I saw another FML story. It's really good. Way better than mine. OTL.

But yeah.

I just looked on FMyLife for the first time in a long time and I lol'd at the very first entry.

So, uhm. I'm done talking.

* * *

"C'mon Kyle! You're being ridiculous!"

"No way!" I was standing at the edge of the public pool glaring at my best friend, who was to coax me into the pool.

"What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? Remember last time we went to a public pool?"

"Oh, that was nothing." He said with a wave of his hand. "Besides, that was like ages ago."

"Stan, dude, that was like last month."

"Whatever. Just get in before I pull you in."

I sighed and felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of my face. I looked up at the rare sunshine. "Well, it _is_ kinda hot out…"

"Exactly and the water's nice and cool." Stan smiled.

"Okay, fine, but I swear to God Stan, nothing better fuck up my day this time."

"Nothing will happen. I promise." Stan said with a grin before grabbing my hand and pulling me into the water.

"Ahh-" My shout was cut off as I went under the water. I brought my head to the surface and gasped in some air before hitting Stan on the shoulder. "Asshole!" I said with false anger. He just laughed.

"HEY JEWBOY!" I heard a familiar voice shout. I turned around just to see Eric fatass Cartman run towards the pool and jump straight towards me. "CANNONBALL!" I scrambled to move, but it was too late…

FUCK MY LIFE.

* * *

_**"Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. I now have a broken collarbone. FML"**_

**- FMyLife . com**

**

* * *

**

**Author's Comments:**

I would cry if I was in Cartman's way as he jumped into the pool...


End file.
